


One Grumpy Redneck

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, And then the one-shot turned into a five-shot, Awkward First Times, Clumsiness, Eventual Smut, First Time, Full blown case of the gay, Grumpy Daryl, Just a story about looking for somewhere to rub one out, M/M, Masturbation, Overcrowded prisons, POV Daryl Dixon, POV First Person, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:10:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7940857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl is grumpy.  Goddamnit.  The prison is over-crowded and he just needs five damn minutes of peace before he explodes.  And it's mostly all Rick's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd because I just dumped a 12-chapter fic on my beta! :-) This was just a little fun before I dive into another long one!
> 
> So the bad news is there may be typo's here. But the good news is that a daily fic will be coming to a computer screen near you in the next week!

I knew I was grumpy. Well, grumpier than usual. Don’t need no one to tell me. Don’t need Carol naggin’ at me for scarin’ the new folks. Fuck ‘em. They got gates and food and protection. They can’t handle one grouchy redneck?

“I’m just saying, I can listen if there’s something on your mind that’s got you all in a mood,” Carol said.

“I ain’t in no damn mood. I only have one mood and it’s the same one I came with so I don’t know why you think somethin’s wrong.” Somethin’ _was_ wrong. But wasn’t none a’ her business or anybody else’s neither. 

She raised her hands in surrender and turned to walk away. And fine. I don’t need her nosin’ around in my problems. Not that it’s a _problem_. It’s just a minor inconvenience. Never did like crowds or people or attention. Didn’t like it before the turn and sure as hell don’t like it now. Cause now it means more mouths to feed. More people relying on you. I missed it just bein’ the days of close family. Rick. Carl. Glenn. Maggie. Hershel. The ones of us that fought through a hard winter on the run together and lived to get to the other side. 

Now there’s people here whose names I don’t even know. People who walk by and I ain’t never seen ‘em before. Where the fuck did all these people come from? Kids! Got damn kids runnin’ around everywhere and not cool kids like Carl. Just plain old fuckin’ kids. 

Talked into bein’ on this council. Don’t wanna be on it but Rick didn’t want to lead no more so I did it for him. Can’t never be left alone now and goddamnit, I don’t care if the world’s over or not… 

...sometimes a man needs some damn time alone.

I walked the perimeter twice and those damn rug rats is runnin’ around like it’s Disney World. All the little quiet spots I used to have for myself could be breached at any moment by that curly haired one or the one with the pigtails or the moody pre-teen waltzin’ right on past. Don’t even have the same privacy in my cell because we’re so packed up now. 

It wouldn’t even be this goddamn bad if I hadn’t heard what I heard. Don’t even really know what to do with it. Just planned to jack off to it and forget about it but since I been walkin’ around all damn day not finding any-damn-where that I can let it fly, I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout it on another level. Not just a ‘that’s gonna get me off” level but a “wait a fucking minute… what was that?” level.

I was just going for a morning shower. Which was odd enough because I dropped showerin’ way down on my list of daily priorities since the end of the world came. But it was particularly hot and sticky out and my previous shower was not recent enough for me even to remember how particularly long it had been. So I went down and figured I’d have the place to myself since all these recent transplants sleep in like they're on vacation. My ass wakes up two chirps before the first damn bird. Always has. Forgot that farmers start early too, though. 

And Rick? Well, he was playin’ farmer now. Not playin’. That ain’t right to mock. He’s workin’ through some grief. I mean… I thought he was. Hell, I don’t know what the hell is in his head anymore, to be honest. But I was just minding my own, going to shower and hesitated at the door cause I thought I heard a damn walker on the other side. You hear groans and moans in this world any more you gonna assume it's a walker. It ain't a risky assumption.

I cracked the door open and there he was, farmer tan and all, in the shower with his hand on his junk and totally lost in his own thoughts. Eyes squeezed shut. Dripping wet. I mean, him jackin’ it, in and of itself, ain’t much to be shocked over. Hell, that was _my_ plan during a shower, too. But to hear his moans while he did it? And then… and then my fucking name?

I frankly was still trying to decide if I really think I heard it or not, but that voice and those words _“Daryl… ffffuck”_ have been burned into my brain. I all but ran back to my cell like I was ten and thought I saw a ghost. And now here I am. I can’t even _look_ at Rick without getting a hard on. And I CAN’T FUCKING FIND A QUIET SPOT IN THE ENTIRE PRISON TO NUT ONE OFF!

So forgive me, Carol, if I seem moody. And I’m sorry, Hershel, if I snapped at you because we have to plan yet another fucking council meeting. And my bad if I scared what's her name or that guy with the kids because I frown and grumble when I can't find any peace and quiet. I just need five goddamn minutes of solitude!!

“Daryl?”

I about passed out from the blood rushing completely to my dick at the sound of his voice behind me. Cause now when I hear it- I hear it the way it _was_. 

_Daryl.. fffffuck”_

I whirled around. “What?” I growled. I didn’t mean to growl. But I was grouchy. I couldn’t help it. Rick didn't flinch. He wasn’t afraid of my moods like the rest of these pussies. 

“Was thinking about going on a quick run. Need some fertilizer and some more twine and lattice for the tomatoes. Wanna come?”

Wanna come?! Wanna COME!? Was he kidding me right now? Was he really asking me to COME somewhere right now? I oughta fucking punch him in his dick is what I oughta do.

But instead I said. “Uh- yeah, man. Sure.”

Well, of course I fucking said yes. I never told him no to nothin’ in my life. And I'm sure as shit not gonna start now after _Daryl.. fffffuck”_.

So twenty minutes later we’re on our way out the prison gates, Rick driving and me with my hands in my lap tryin’ ta hide my bulge.

We was quiet for a bit and that ain't no different than usual. We share comfortable silence a lot, always have. He was concentrating on the road and I was mostly just being exasperated at the sound of my name on his tongue. My name had never sounded so fucking good. It’s kinda like trying a bite of ice cream if you're lactose intolerant. Then you suddenly know what you’re missing. So then you gotta spend your time wantin’ after something you can’t have. He done this to me, goddamnit. What the fuck was he thinkin, sayin’ my damn name like that? 

“You're having a bad day, I can tell,” he finally said.

I glared over at him. “‘M fine”

He looked at me, doubtful.

“You look like you're about to explode,”

My eyes went automatically to my crotch to make sure I was still covering myself with the folded map I had.

“Nah. Just tired. You look extra relaxed today, though,” I said. Two can play at this game. I didn't care whether he realized there was a game or not, goddamnit.

He just smiled and nodded like he didn't have a care in the world. “Suns out. No walkers at the fence line. Glenn and Bob came back with a boatload of provisions yesterday. Not a bad day to be alive.”

Was he still riding his orgasm high all these hours later? 

“You look like you're really carrying a load though,” he said.

“WHAT?” I snapped.

Rick just looked over with a confused smile. “Like you got the weight of the world on your shoulders or something. You wanna talk about it? You can unload on me.”

I opened the door. The fact that we was currently driving about forty miles an hour was of no consequence. I needed out of the car immediately. Rick put a mom-hand out over my waist as he braked to a stop.

“What the hell are you doing, man!” He snapped.

He snapped at me. HE snapped at ME! 

I paced by the side of the road as he got out of the car.

“Daryl.”

 _DAryl.. fffffuck”_ , I heard in the back of my head.

“WHAT!?”

“You're mad at me,” he said. Wasn't no question. Was just fact. And he was right, more I thought about it. I was mad cause I don't like being confused.

“You know I get up early,” I said.

“Yeah?” 

I glared at him. I couldn't tell if he was completely confused or he was hiding a grin.

“Well…” I waited like that was enough explanation.

“Is this about you getting up?” Rick asked, all innocent-like.

“This is about you jackin’ it in the _public_ showers and moanin’ my damn name,” I finally blurted out.

Rick's eyes widened, then he broke into a wide smile. “You heard that?”

“Shouldn't you be denyin’ it right now? Like maybe you was saying C-arol. Sounds alike, see?” I was basically handing him an out. Gift wrapped. With a fucking bow on top. And a name tag that said ‘Here, Rick. Say this.’

“No… I said Daryl,” he answered with a confident nod.

What the? And then he just stood there. Waiting on _me_ to respond. “Well, what the fuck does that mean?”

“That I think about you when I jerk off,” Rick answered plainly and unapologetically.

“Why?” I didn’t get it. I mean really. I’m filthy 98% of the time. I’m grumpy as shit. I’m a fucking dude. 

“Cause you're fucking gorgeous,” he answered, just standin’ there. Lookin’ at me. 

“Wha-- what… What makes you think I wouldn't just pop you in the jaw right now, huh?”

“Well, I thought you'd be ok with it.”

“Yeah? How'd you figure that?” I snapped. I don't know why I was still mad at that point. Guess just cause I ain't blown my load still.

Rick was trying not to smile. I didn’t like that. You smile or you don’t smile. When you try not to smile it means something’s up. And as I’ve mentioned, I don’t like being confused. 

“Well, before we got all these people… And I had trouble sleeping?” he explained. “I'd walk around the prison quietly at night…”

Mother. Fucker.

“And I heard you in your cell jerking off... and moaning _my_ name.” He paused. “More than once.”

I glared at him. Let the silence sit there for a few til I was good and ready to respond. “I was sayin’ Vick...y.”

“Well… You can keep trying to deny it. Or you can drop your pants and let me suck you off. You been waitin’ for relief since the crack of dawn... _Daryl_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it's funny... sometimes I slave over a fic for weeks and I get a hand full of comments and kudos and that's lovely. I appreciate every single one of them. Then sometimes, I slam out a fic that falls right out of my fingers that I barely even thought about and I get more comments and kudos on it than I've had in months! LOL! I guess people just love themselves a grumpy Daryl. 
> 
> Therefore- I went ahead and popped out the follow-up. Thanks for all the love on this one! I was tickled with it!
> 
> (also- unbeta'd because my beta is literally slaving over my currently posting WIP as we speak!)

“You would put my dick in your mouth,” I said in disbelief. 

“Yeah.”

“I ain’t showered in like a week.” I don’t know why I was tryin’ ta convince him against it. Sounded like a good fuckin’ offer. Owes me any-damn-way for driving me half mad all day. And catchin’ me months ago and never sayin’ anythin’.

Rick shrugged. “Little dirt never killed anyone. You know how much dirt we consume every year just from not washing our hands before we eat?”

I frowned at him. “You trying to get your mouth on this thing or talk it down?”

Rick laughed, almost nervous, then his smile faded and he kept those eyes on mine as he slowly got down on his knees. “Fffff-uck,” I muttered.

He started undoing my pants and lookin’ me right in the eyes like it was nothin’. Like it was just any other old day instead of the day he decided to go digging into my pants.

“You ever done this before?” I asked. Meant for it to come out normal but it was all breathy and soft and I barely recognized my own voice. 

He shook his head. “Pretty sure I can figure it out,” he told me, confidence runnin’ off him like condensation off a cold glass of sweet tea. And he tugged my pants down right there on the side of some damn road in the middle of the apocalypse. On his knees. Eye to junk with my junk.

I suddenly realized I was drooling and wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. “Change your mind?” I asked, tryin’ ta act like it don't matter to me if he wanted to wrap those plump lips around my cock or not.

Then he just did it. Licked a line right up from my balls to the tip of my dick. Was wet. And hot. And when he slid his lips over my whole cock and sucked it in, I fell back against the car and groaned. “HolyFuckingChrist,” I heard myself sayin’.

And I could not take my eyes off of him. Probably shoulda been keepin’ an eye out for walkers cause we was in the middle of nowhere. But in my defense… Rick fucking Grimes had his mouth on my dick. And that was some shit I had to see to believe.

I could probably count on one hand how many times a mouth had been on my dick and I’d still have two fingers left after countin’. Rick put those hole-in-the-wall barflies to shame. Christ it was like he never wanted anything so bad in his life like he wanted what he was trying to suck out of me.

Weren’t gonna be a long affair, that was for sure because I was about ready to blow my load just from his hungry eyes on me. But with his hungry _mouth_ on me? I could probably count the seconds until I was gonna explode on one hand and still have four fingers left. And a thumb.

And I burst at the exact moment that I tried to mutter the words “Pull off.” Didn’t give him enough time to pull off. Felt bad. Waited for him to spit it out but he fucking swallowed and “mmm’ed” up at me! Eyes on me again and talking without words like we do. But I wasn’t sure I was translatin’ right ‘cause it looked to me like… fuck. I don’t know what the fuck he was trying’ ta’ say.

I sputtered words at him and none of ‘em actually made their way out of my mouth. Actually don't think any even fully formed in my brain. 

He stood, still smirkin’ at me, then leaned in to press a kiss to my lips. His mouth right on my mouth. His sexy mouth… that just swallowed a nut-load of my come. His lips danced ‘gainst mine for just a moment, then he winked and walked back to the driver side. 

“That's been coming, don't you think? You and me like that?”

That's been coming?? What the ever-loving shit just happened? And that was it. He got in the car, said it got too late and maybe he'd try for his damn garden supplies tomorrow. Turned the car around and drove home with me still not muttering a damn word other than, “Yeah, guess so.”

If stalking around the prison looking for a place to hole up and jack off made me pissy, then no one had no idea what they were in store for with me being back at the prison, after Rick Grimes sucked me off and then went back to work in the garden. Cause ...WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED???

Is Rick gay? Oh fuck! Am I gay? Does he want me to go down on his junk? Should I have reciprocated right away? Nah- fuck that- he had his in the shower. But I couldn’t help running it all back through my head a million times. He was so damn calm. So matter-of-fact. So…”I jack off to ya cause your gorgeous how about I suck your dick.” What the fuck?

I liked that kiss though. Not that I didn’t like the BJ. Liked that too, a damn lot. But I liked the warmth of his lips and intimacy of it. And that disturbed me because WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??? I stormed into the prison and Carol stopped me. Clearly she wasn’t as fluent in Dixon body language as I’d been giving her credit for, because I was obviously saying “Do not look at me, do not touch to me, do not talk me,” but what did she do? She looks me up and down, puts a hand on my arm and asks what’s wrong. 

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong. Why’s somethin’ always gotta be wrong? Why can’t a guy just storm around deep in thought, huh? I got stuff on my mind! Things!”

She followed me. Cause goddamnit that woman don’t scare easily. “Maybe I can help,” she asked.

“Oh no. You can’t help with this. This is… well… it ain’t like helping me with the laundry or showin’ me how to change Judy’s diaper.”

“Have to do with Rick?” she asked. I stopped dead in my tracks. 

“Why the hell you think it’s gotta be about Rick?”

Then, ‘fore I can even open my mouth to start talkin’ ‘bout how it ain’t about Rick and it ain’t none a her business if it was, I hear Maggie comin’ up behind me. “What’s about Rick?”

Suddenly I'm in some apocalyptic knitting circle with a bunch a’ gossipin’ hens!

“Ain’t nothin’ ‘bout Rick,” I said, tryin’ ta’ think a somethin’ to change the subject. But my brain ain’t got nothin’ else stirin’ in it but blue eyes and curls and that wet, hot tongue and wonderin’ if that was a one-time thing or if that’s a thing I can get again.

“Well,” Carol said, “ Rick and Daryl just came back from a strangely short run and Daryl’s all flushed and worked up.”

Maggie’s face fell. “Oh no. Did you guys get mouthy with each other?”

My face remained expressionless regardless of all the “WHAT THE FUCK!’s” going on in my head.

“If you’ve got somethin’ on your mind, Daryl. I think you should just let it all out. Rick can take it.”

I blinked, opened my mouth, and decided against it. “I’m fine. He’s fine. We’re fine.”

“You know, Daryl,” Carol said, like she was getting comfortable for a long afternoon chat on a sun porch, “Rick is the kinda guy that just needs you to let him know what’s on your mind. If you’ve got somethin’ that needs to come out, he’ll gladly take it. He wants to help.”

“Especially you,” Maggie added.

“‘Specially me? What the hell’s that mean?” I grunted, hopin’ it didn’t sound like I meant it- Dixon for ‘does he like me or somethin’?

“Well, this is just my opinion... “ Maggie started, “But I think he’s in love with you.”

“WHAT!?” I screeched. I literally screeched. I had never heard that pitch to my voice in all my years on this earth.

“Yeah, I agree,” Carol added calmly. “And to be honest, Pookie.. I’ve always thought you were in love with him, too.”

“Love?! It was just a Beeejjjjjj...I mean-”

“You gave him a BJ!??” Maggie asked with a voice about as loud as the announcer at a High School football game. 

“Shhhhh!” I shouted at her. “No I ain’t givin’ out no damn BJ’s-”

“Oh, so he gave you one? I’m not surprised. Heard him moaning your name a few times late at night. Figured he was y’know” Carol unexpectedly made the universal hand signal for jackin it and I decided I might as well just stand there and wait to wake up because this whole damn day had to be a dream.

“We’re getting off topic. BJ’s are all fine and well, but did you tell him you love him?” Maggie asked expectantly. 

“Oh yeah… he needs to hear that, Pookie. Rick’s a romantic. You can’t just make out and leave him hanging. Did you talk after?”

“Dixon’s don’t talk. In fact I’m past my quota right now.” I turned around and started walkin’ away and suddenly realized that I’m pissed cause I didn’t say nothin’ after. I mean, he sucked me off. That was nice and all. But he also kissed me. Nicely. And that was like… something meaningful. More than just gettin’ a pal off cause he ain’t busted a nut lately. But Dixon’s ain’t good with words. Or thoughts. Or romance. Do I love Rick? Well, fuck yeah. Course I do. I love everyone in this prison. Well, I mean… not the Woodbury rejects. Or the stragglers. Or that annoying chic whose name I don’t know. Or that moody pre-teen. Think that nutter’s been amputatin’ rats. But other than that I love everyone that’s been part a me since the quarry. 

But if you’re asking do I love Rick on another level? Well, Yeah. I guess so. I love him like you love someone who knows you more than you know yourself. Like you love someone who you can be quiet with and still feel like you had a fulfillin’ conversation. Like you love someone who you want to see everyday...who you _need_ to see everyday. Like how you get chills from the simplest of touches- a graze against my arm or a hand low on my back. I love him like he’s the most important person in my world. I love him like I want his lips on mine again. Like I want more than just his mouth on my junk. I want his everything against my everything. How do I get that? How do I get everything?

After pacing in my cell for a good half-hour, I noticed the sunlight gettin’ low in the sky. Rick was probably just finishin’ up in the garden and I could wait. Could just hang tight til later but when you suddenly realize you are in love with someone… waitin’ ain’t an option no more. 

I stormed back through the prison, past Maggie and Carol who were whisperin’ to Michonne and Beth and all four grinned at me as I walked by. I returned their grins with an angry Dixon scowl. It didn’t make them stop smiling at all.

I marched out the yard and over to the garden. Saw Rick standing between two rows of tomatoes watching me stalk down to him.

“I’m in fucking love with you. Okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” I snapped.

Rick leaned on a shovel with that fucking smile. That smile that makes my stomach do some crazy fucking shit that it ain’t never done before. Can’t be right. Should probably talk to Hershel about it.

“Know you’re not good with words. Thought I’d make the first move with actions,” he said. “So I guess I was loud and clear earlier?”

“Loud and clear? I don’t understand one goddamn thing that happened all day. All I know is… like... I want to be with you all the time. And now that I’ve… felt stuff and things… I… I just want everything. And them damn women in there said you want it too… so… do yah? Or do I have to grab my bike and ride out of here and go die in the woods of embarrassment?”

He let the shovel he was holdin’ drop and he walked over to me, took my face in his hands and kissed me again. Gentle. Soft. His lips was softer than cotton against my rough, chapped ones. He plucked kisses against my lips over and over and pressed his body tight against mine. His kisses stopped and his mouth went to my ear. “Those damn women in there are right. I want everything, too. I’ve been in love with you for a really, really long time.” 

A really, really long time? Why the fuck did he wait so long? Felt like getting grumpy ‘bout that, but the feel of him against me and the way my heart was flutterin’ like a hummin’ bird… I thought maybe I try happy for a while ‘stead of grumpy. Just try it out a bit. See how it feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. And they all lived happily ever after at the prison forever! And Daryl was only occasionally grumpy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my current long fic isn't getting much action, but folks seem to love this little grouchy Daryl number, so here's another chapter just for funsies.
> 
> This fic continues to be unbeta'd because it's just a whimsical fun one and I'm working my beta too hard on my other project!

So I was gonna totally try to be happy. Had big plans. Got myself a “somethin’ more” with Rick. Ain't gonna call it boyfriends cause that sounds gay as fuck. And yes, I know the irony is that _I_ must be gay as fuck if I'm letting Rick Grimes grab all over all parts and things all the time. Don't get me wrong, I grab all over his things, too. But anyway- we’re just calling it “somethin’ more”. 

So I was happy for the first few days we had somethin’ more cause Rick went down on my junk a few more times. And I went down on his and, not to brag or anything, but I am REALLY good with my mouth. Had a oral fixation all my life, really, so I’m not surprised. I kinda liked doin’ it, too, to be honest. And Rick DEFINITELY liked having it done. I swallowed too cause I ain’t gonna let him one-up me in the kink department. Fuck that shit. I’m a Dixon. I don’t back down to no challenges. But now I got another problem. Everyone in this prison is nosey as shit. And they all think they’re hilarious. They are not.

Course Maggie and Carol know ‘bout how we got somethin’ more now. Ain’t nothin’ gets by them. And they won’t stop with the word play on me. I ain’t dumb. I know what their doin’. “You look like you had a long, hard night” they’d say, drawlin’ out the words long and hard. Carol saying “What’s up?” then glancin’ down at my pants and over to Rick. I ain’t got time for them damn women and their fun.

Then if Maggie’s gotta know, sure as shit Glenn knows. Keeps smilin’ at me. I know he knows. He knows I know he knows. But ain’t neither one of us said a word ‘bout it cause what I do with my junk is my business. Everyone else is givin’ me the eye. Like they’s suspicious I’m up to somethin’ and they ain’t quite figured out what it is. Rick said I’m just seein’ things that ain’t there. Being paranoid. I let him think he’s talked me down. But I don’t like people in my business. 

So when Bob just waltzed right up and said he was happy to hear that me and Rick were together, I had to resist the urge to beat the shit out of him.

“Why you think we’re together?” I snapped at him. Still pissed about him grabbing that alcohol on a run a while back. My trust ain’t easily won back.

“Well, ummm…heard about it through the grapevine. And uhh… saw him kiss you before you went out hunting this morning.”

“So what if he did!? He misses me when I’m gone, goddamnit. You got a problem with that?” 

“Ummm… nooooo. I think it’s nice.”

“You know what would be nice. If you mind your own damn business and don’t worry about who kisses me goodbye.” Then I stalked off. The Dixon stalk-off is like an exclamation point. It means- That’s it. Conversation over. Ain’t seen Bob since then. Think he might be avoidin’ me. 

Main thing now is Carl. Cause my somethin’ more with Rick ain’t nobody’s damn business… but it is Carl’s business. That’s his daddy. It’s Judy’s business too but I’m pretty sure I can win her over easy enough. Carl though, he had to put his own mamma down a while back and he’d have every right to tell me to back off his old man. So ‘course as much as I’m enjoyin’ my somethin’ more… enjoying kissin and touchin and cuddlin’ and shit. (I know. Fuck off. Dixon’s can like cuddlin’! Ain’t no law against it!) Anyway- I like my somethin’ more but I’mma be grouchy until I get a much needed conversation over with.

Told Rick one night. He keeps comin’ into my cell and stayin’ over all night. Ain’t gonna kick him out. It’s November. Cold out. And Rick’s warm ‘gainst me. That’s just practical. Told Rick I need to make sure Carl’s cool with it before we keep this thing goin’. Specially since Rick’s done taken to quick kissin’ me where people like fuckin’ Bob can see it. Ain’t gonna tell Rick not to. He’ll pout. And I can’t handle no poutin’. So that means I can’t wait around for the right moment to have a man to man talk with Carl. I gotta nut up and go find him and ask him if it’s ok if I’m with his Daddy. 

So I look all over the prison glarin’ at everyone and looking for Carl and finally see him in that giant ole’ hat down by the fences takin’ his shift. He don’t like being babied so he takes a shift just like all of us do. Don’t like being called a kid so I ain’t gonna treat him like one.

“Hey,” I said as I grabbed one of the tire irons we use to poke through the fence.

“Hey,” he said back. He had to get on his tip toes with the knife he was using, going under the chin on the tall ones, but he was doin’ it.

“Can I talk to you man to man?” I asked.

Carl stopped and straightened his hat and looked at me. “Yeah. This about my dad?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You know already? Like that we… uhhh… have a thing?”

Carl nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

Damn kid. Gonna make me have to beg for every word.

“Well… is it okay, man? Feel like I should get your blessin’ or somethin’.” It mighta sounded like I was yellin’ at him to the untrained ear, but Carl spoke Dixon. He knew it just meant I was a little nervous. 

He smiled at me and stabbed a walker in a damn bathin’ suit of all things before he turned back to answer me.

“Daryl? I thought you guys had a thing a long time ago. No surprise. I like you. I like you liking my dad.”

I smiled. Don’t usually like doin’ that. Nobody’s damn business if I’m happy or not. But I got somethin’ more now with this kid’s old man. So he’s family. Already was family if I’m being honest. And it ain’t against the law to be happy in the apocalypse for just a little bit.

“Well, thanks.” I said. That was a lot of worry for nothin’. Saw Rick comin’ down to the fence line and got them things in my stomach goin’ again. Hershel said it was butterflies. Not real ones. Not like somethin’ happened from the caterpillars I been eatin’. It’s a thing that happens when you’re in love he said. Didn’t know love had side effects. So I asked him what you do for it… Tylenol, antacids? He gave me fuckin’ KY Jelly and told me to be careful. I don’t know if I’m _that_ gay yet. But I did keep the KY, just in case.

Anyway, Rick came down and put a hand on Carl’s shoulder. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, I just told Daryl it was ok if he dates you.”

Rick grinned at me. “Ohhhh! Are you going to take me on a date!?”

I rolled my eyes. Havin’ somethin’ more with Rick was gonna be a lot of work. Got a stomach condition now, gotta think a’ some kinda romantic shit for a date cause I can tell in his eyes he’s serious ‘bout wantin’ one. And I done gave the man everythin’ _before_ we had somethin’ more so I ain’t gonna stop now. Gonna have to get used to him pawin’ at me in public cause he’s already done started that every time I leave the gates. Bob probably ain’t the only one who saw.

“Fine. I’ll figure out a fuckin’ date.” I said and I kissed him square on the lips. “Thanks for your blessin’, Carl.” And I stalked off to go think of a goddamn first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... it's not Shakespeare, but it was fun. Guess I'll occasionally come back to this one whenever I feel like writing grouchy! LOL!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. I'm just kinda winging this one as I go cause people seem to be enjoying it.
> 
> Unbeta'd. Chopped full of mistakes. And probably totally ridiculous. But a laugh during the apocalypse can't be all bad, right? (If it turned out funny at all, that is!) I worked 14 hours yesterday and 10 today and I'm fairly burnt out but writing fan fic is my escape!)

One thing I did not anticipate when the ‘pocolypse happened, was worrying about planning a damn date. Christ, didn't really have to worry ‘bout it much before the ‘poclypse neither. Just a few drive-ins. Few dinners at the Golden Corral. They had a buffet. I thought that would be a bonus, man- all you can eat. But that didn't seem to get me many second dates. Didn't bother me none. None a them women ever did much for me. Not like Rick does.

Rick’s different than anythin’. Makes me smile and laugh. Makes me happy. Makes me want to protect him, touch him, let him touch me. Makes my heart flutter which is another thing Hershel said wasn't a medical problem. And of course he caused my stomach condition with them butterflies. Still ain't sure there's not more goin’ on there. Stopped eatin’ caterpillars just in case.

But anyway- don't got no movies. Don't got no all you can eat buffet. Which is a damn shame really cause Rick's gettin’ too damn skinny. Tried to get some advice from folks but no one seems to take a grumpy redneck seriously when he's askin’ for date ideas. I knew Carol and Maggie already knew we had somethin’ more. And Bob because he’s a perve that watches goodbye kisses like it’s a TV show instead of none a’ his damn business.

So I corner Carol in the prison kitchen. “Hey- I’m gonna take Rick on a date-”

“A date? Is that what the kids are callin’ it now?” she interrupted.

“Damnit, woman. I ain’t asking for your sass. I just need some ideas. What d’ya think he’d like?”

She kept choppin’ some of Rick’s green peppers for whatever the hell she was makin’. “Well, you know him better than I do. Whatever you decide, I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“I don’t want him to _have_ to love it. I want him to love it because it’s awesome. Ain’t nothin’ awesome in the damn apocalypse. How ‘m I suppose ta woo someone properly?”

Well that was the end of that conversation because apparently when a grumpy redneck says the word “woo” it causes uncontrollable laughter. So I done left her with the Dixon glare and stalked off for my next victim… or y’know… person to ask for advice. 

Saw Maggie down by the fence line and jogged down for a quick convo. “Hey. I know you know ‘bout Rick and I. Trying to keep it on the down low cause too many nosey fuckers around this place. But anyway. I know you know. So--- I need to like, take him out on a date. You got any ideas?” 

“Didn’t Daddy give you some lube?” she asked.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I ain’t some floozy. I’m talkin’ ‘bout a REAL date. Like dinner and a movie but we ain’t got neither of those things. So what can I do?”

“Why don’t you see what Glenn thinks. He’s a romantic.”

“You told Glenn?!” I growled as Glenn walked up to me after having killed a few walkers by the gate. I looked at him. “You know?? ‘Bout me and Rick?” 

He could clearly sense my mood. I was grumpy (I know. Surprise.) and I was itchin’ to pounce on somebody for it. He glanced to Maggie for guidance. “What? You and… No,” he stumbled. “I have no idea what’s happening. Maggie never told me anything about anything. Ever.” His attempt to avoid being yelled at angry Dixon-style was commendable so I let it go.

I went ahead and let him get away with it. ‘Though I ain’t stupid enough to believe Maggie ain’t told him everydamn thing. I tell Rick everydamn thing so I know how that works when you have something more.

Tried to track down Bob, but after snappin’ at him ‘bout nosin’ in on my kiss the other day, he was walking wide circles to get by me all day so never got a chance to ask him. 

Hershel weren’t no good. He just kept insistin’ that antacids don’t do nothin’ for butterflies. Then said that Rick would like anythin’ I did. That there was no way I could do it wrong. He seemed pretty convinced of it just like Carol was. So maybe they were onto somethin’. He was tryin’ to help. And he was nice enough to score me some KY in case Rick and I turned out to have more than just a mild case of the gay, so instead of snapping at him about being a hack where my recent medical issues were concerned, I thanked him and decided that simple was probably best. 

Since we ain’t got no movies, the only show in town is the night sky. And since we ain’t got no restaurants, I’d have to make do with some improvised take out. I told Rick our date would be at six and to meet me on the roof a’ the prison. Then I went around the prison threatenin’ lives if anyone even thought about setting foot on the prison roof that night. Or outside the prison at all. (Just in case some stuff and thangs went down that turned into uncontrollable noise.)

A little before six, I went up to the roof with some cushions I scored from the warden’s office couch. Put them against one of the concrete walls so we could sit like a movie theatre. We’d be able to watch the change of colors as the sunset and then the start of the dotting of stars in the sky as it grew dark. 

I brought two plates of food, a bottle of Dewar’s and two glasses. It wasn’t as good as the Golden Corral Buffet, but there were greens from the garden, Deer stew from one of my kills and Oreo Cookies for dessert. That was strategic. See I eat them by opening ‘em up and licking. Thought that might start some innuendo and get me to like… one of them bases people like to get on during dates. Like first or fourth. Whatever it takes. I’m not much of a sports guy. My analogies might need some work.

Anyway, right at six sharp, Rick comes up. And I can tell he put in as much thought as I did cause he had on a nice button up shirt I ain’t never seen before and he looked like he attempted to run a brush through those wild curls. He had a bottle of red wine in one hand… and a mother fucking bunch of wild flowers in the other. 

“You bringin’ me flowers?” I asked, my voice a little rough and snarly. Accusatory. Didn’t mean it… but _flowers?!_

“Yeah, man,” he grinned. “It’s customary.”

“If I’m the girl. I ain’t the girl.”

“Neither of us is the girl. I know that. Just… I don’t know. Is there different protocol for dating a guy?”

I shrugged. How the fuck do I know? “Ain’t got much to go on, man.”

He held the flowers out to me. “I picked them all blue because of your eyes,” he smiled.

I lifted a brow. “What should I do with ‘em?”

Rick looked perplexed. “Good point this was stupid.” He threw them over the edge of the roof.

“Hey! Wait! What are you doin’, man?”

“You were right. That was kinda cheesy.”

I pouted. “Those were mine, man.”

Rick flashed me a smile. “You like them. I knew it. Just embrace your gayness, will yeah? We already been all over each other’s junk.”

I tilted my head back and forth. “You have a valid point. Well, I have us a little spot to sit and watch the sun set and the stars come out. It will be like Star Wars but with more stars and less wars.”

“I’m intrigued,” Rick said in a totally flirtatious way. He came over and sat down. “Take-out too?”

“From the best place in town,” I said with a smile. 

“Are you expectin’ me to put out since you got me dinner?” Rick grinned as he tried to be seductive about eating a few green beans with his fingers. Didn’t bring no utensils cause I’m a Dixon and that ain’t somethin’ I’m gonna think of. I have limits, y’know?

“I ain’t sayin’ I brought KY. But I’m also not sayin’ I _didn’t_ bring KY.”

Rick raised a brow and grinned. “I’d like to try some of that y’know. Assumin’ our date goes well.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Damn guys’ had me speechless one too many times lately. “Well, eat your damn food and look at the sky and shit then,” I snapped. Already wonderin’ which one of us was gonna need the Ky in the back end. 

As we ate, we talked about Carl. Judith. Next supply runs. The color the sky got when the sun was lowest before dark. The number of stars you could see with the lights of civilization gone forever, and several of the benefits of living from the salt of the Earth again. It was nice. Peaceful. Comfortable. There weren’t no one in the world I’d rather be sittin’ tight next to and blabberin’ with. 

After we’s done eating and the sky was now full-dark, he leaned over to kiss me and put a hand on my knee. “Way I see it, we’re both guys, time is short in the apocalypse and I think you should just go ahead and fuck me already. Let’s see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be.”

My eyes widened. “So I get to be the… one who goes in.” 

“Sure. I ain’t scared. Heard amazing things about the prostate and stuff.”

“What’s that mean?” I asked as I licked seductively at an oreo.

“Means there’s spots in there that will drive you insane.”

“Well….shit. That sounds interesting. I want that.”

“I called dibs on the ass fucking though. So you gotta nail me first. Only fair. Guy code. Dibs is like a legally binding document.”

I nodded. He was right. Couldn’t fight that logic. “So…. how do we get started?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it doesn't read like someone who is sleep-deprived!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Unbeta'd. Written at midnight. Posted from cell phone.

Alright. I’ve said it before. My junk ain’t nobody's business, but if you have to know what happened next I’ll fucking tell yah. I mean… kinda wanna talk about it anyway. Sorta was nice and shit. Hell, maybe it will mellow me out to my old Zen self if Rick and I keep getting to do thangs like we done.

Once we were under the stars and alone it seemed like a good time for the kissin’ and grindin’ that we both come to enjoy. But ‘stead ‘a BJ’s we decided to do the thing. The main gay thing. The full-blown case of gay activity. Rick called dibs on bottom so that part was figured out. 

It ain't a thing that can be done flawless like in the movies. Ain't about falling together and becomin’ one and shit. ‘Specially not when it's two dudes. It's hard damn work. Not complainin’ of course. Was totally worth it but I'm just sayin’ it takes some doin’. Requires a lot of communication and not just our way of using our eyes. 

Luckily, course I had the KY. So after lots of the kissin’ and gropin’ and a slight pause to argue over whether we saw a falling star or a UFO, it was time to get rid of some clothes. In movies, takin’ off clothes is like a seductive thing all it’s own. In real life? ‘Specially life in the apocalypse. On a prison rooftop. It’s a little more clunky. Zippers get stuck ‘cause their old. Underwear stickin’ to your ass from sweat of Georgia summer and from wearin’ the same pair three days in a row. Trying to pull off shoes and pull legs out of pants without much to lean on for support but each other. It was a bit sloppy. One of us might have fallen three times. That someone was not me. (Alright, damnit. It was me.)

Anyway- So gettin’ naked is the easy part, believe it or not, even after I fell three times and know I’m gonna have a hell of a bruise up one thigh. Look, I ain’t used to rushing to get naked. Just not one of my many talents. So naked is good and the next hard part is not coming before you get the right stuff in the right thangs cause thinkin’ ‘bout it all was already ‘bout blowin’ my mind. Like I said- Rick called dibs on bottom. So we had a naked talk ‘bout how he should lay. Cause ya can’t just shove stuff in places. There’s logistics.

After discussin’ it we decided the first time would be easiest on his hands and knees. Course the slight breeze and seein’ him on his hands and knees almost got me off ‘fore anything else happened. But I tried to get myself Zen. Another thing I didn't know about dude sex was the giggling. I ain’t much of a giggler to be honest, but Rick brings it out in me. He’s just so damn goofy sometimes. Tryin’ to get in the right spot and jokin’ bout how pale his ass is. Tryin’ to convince me we’s both about the same size in the dick department when it clearly ain’t true. I expected passion and fire, a volcanic orgasam and a nap. But that ain’t how it went down.

So anyway. He’s on all fours. I got a bruise swellin’ up on my thigh. And then we both freeze ‘cause we hear Judy hollarin’ and Beth walkin’ around singin her a lullaby below us. I done told all these ingrates not to come outside. So I tell Rick not to move a damn muscle and I walk over to the edge of the roof. (He seemed to get a little flushed at that order. Think he might be one of them sub types I’ve seen in some pornos) Anyway I lean over enough that she can’t see my junk and holar down.

“Didn’t I tell you people to stay inside. I’m on a damn date up here!”

Bethy looks up at me and lil’ Judy, too. “She won’t quiet down!” Beth said. 

I looked back at Rick. 

“Is she changed?” he asked me. Which seemed like a weird thing to say when you’re naked, on all fours and waiting to get a dick planted in your ass for the first time on a prison roof. But he had a point. I leaned back over.

“She need to be changed?”

“Daryl Dixon, do you honestly think I wouldn’t have thought about that!?” That girl was sassin’ me! On my date night! But she’s a good kid and yeah… she’d have thought of that. 

“She might be teethin’. Try that orajel your Daddy’s got and let her bite on that keyring thing I got her.” I watched as Beth slid a finger between Judy’s lips. 

“Oh my god!! I think she’s cut a tooth!” I was excited for the lil’ ass kicker. I really was. Looked to Rick with a smile and he smiled back. But there was plenty of time to throw a tooth cuttin’ party after we got laid.

“Congrats girlie! We’ll come see ya later!” I waited until I was sure they done went back inside.

Went back to Rick who was bein’ a good date and stayin on hands and knees like I left him. Wasn’t heartless. I had him on the cushion so his knees wouldn’t get scuffed up. I’m a gentleman. Even though I might not look it.

“She’s growin’ up,” Rick said and I grinned cause it was pretty momentous. But we had bigger fish to fry. 

“We’ll throw her a party after we figure out how to do this thing,” I grumbled. 

Rick laughed at me. I don’t mind when he does cause I can tell by the way it sounds that it’s meant affectionate. 

“So… I’m gonna try to do this thing, then,” I said by way of woo’ing.

“Yeah, I’m totally ready,” he said.

I knelt behind him and tried to be gentle ‘bout spreadin’ his perfect, gorgeous cheeks and I gotta tell ya… I couldn’t begin to imagine how I was gonna get my giant fucking cock into that barely-there hole. 

“I ain’t so sure this is gonna work,” I told him.

“That’s what the KY is for, right?” Rick asked. “Just use a finger to start.”

Well, sounded like a good plan. So I lubed up a finger and poked it in. 

“Ouch!” he shouted, shocked. 

I pulled my finger out. “We’ll that’s it. Ain’t gonna work. Let’s just go back to the BJ’s.”

“Daryl,” he laughed. “It’s fine. You just have to go slow, take your time and let me adjust. One finger. Then two. Stretch me. Then I’ll be ready for you. Promise.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You sure you ain’t done this before?”

“I’ve seen some things on the internet, okay. Just fuck me already, will ya?” he whined. 

Well, it wasn’t like Shakespeare or any kinda romantic crap but that wasn’t really my kinda thing anyway. However, I could definitely react to “Just fuck me already” In fact, my dick was already starting to react. 

So I tried again, more patient, more KY and got a finger in. Waited til he said I could move it. “What’s it feel like?” I asked, kinda intrigued myself.

“Different. In a good way. Hard to explain. Do two fingers. I’m ready.” 

Kinda bossy but that was okay. I let it slide and went in with a second finger. Think he finally started getting into it. Heard some groans. My dick was certainly ready as I watched my fingers disappear inside a him. I put a hand on Rick’s dick to see if he was hard at all and he was damn well ready to burst. “Oh!” I said surprised.

“Fuck me, Daryl. Now. I’m ready,” he whimpered. (Whimpered!!) Well I had to get this cock inside him quick cause my thoughts and the mere sight of him was ‘bout enough to make me spill. I pulled my fingers out and lubed my cock and slowly pressed into him. Stopped a few times for him to adjust and ‘fore I knew it I was all the way in. 

“Holy fuck,” I heard Rick whisper. 

“Can I… should I move?” I asked quietly.

“Fuck YES! Move!” Rick shouted. So I did. He was tighter than anything I ever felt, and hot. Fire hot and the friction of him was heaven, the sight of him on all fours in front of me, pantin’ and reachin’ for his own dick was so goddamn hot I knew time was short. 

“Ain’t gonna last long, Rick,” I gasped. I knocked his hand away from his cock because this wasn’t a time for masterbation, man. I was right here. Why yank your own junk when you got someone else right there to do it. So I thrust into him at the same speed that I was using to jerk his cock and it was like everything in the world lined up right. Everything in my body, in my mind, in the sky above us and the air around us and I finally came like a pent up volcano, Rick spilling out forcefully onto my hand right after. 

He crumbled down and laid on his belly after I pulled out, muttering “holy shit’s” repeatedly.

“That was good then?” I asked. You liked it?”

The only answer I could get was some more murmurs of “holy shit”.

I rubbed his back for a while cause that seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do. I looked up at the stars with my hand ‘gainst his back and it was my favorite moment on this earth ever. Him and me. Together and sated and happy under the big night sky. And then, bein’ dudes like we were, we both slipped into a peaceful, contented sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
